Monday, November 25, 2013

Two Ways to Overcome the Fear of Failure?

Fear of failure is a reality. We often don't try things because of the fear that we could fail. You can pretend that you are not afraid of failure but you have real reasons for not doing what you need to do in order to succeed. But pretending to be not afraid will not make your fear go away. Nor will it prod you to act. So, the very first thing to do to overcome the fear of failure is to accept that you have, in fact, have this fear which is holding you back.

Once you accept you have the fear, you can think of ways of overcoming it. There are broadly two ways of overcoming the fear of failure. One is to make your desire to succeed weigh more than the fear of failure. But how to do this? You can make the desire to succeed stronger by creating a strong motivation. This can be done by dwelling on the good things that success will bring you. I know that this is easier said than done. But motivation  itself is being a vast subject with innumerable approaches, I can't elaborate on the ways by which you can motivate yourself in this post. You will, perhaps, see powerful tips on motivation in other posts.

The second way to overcome the fear of failure is using a bigger fear. If the fear of the consequences of not doing the thing  is greater than the fear of doing a thing, then you will do it! If you are afraid of swimming, you may be standing on the edge of a swimming pool for hours together, not venturing to dive into water. But if your swimming coach threatens to bash your back with a club if you stand there for more than 30 seconds, then you will jump into the water well ina dvance of the deadline, won't you?

Sunday, November 24, 2013

The one you can't dislike

After reading my last post, some of you might be wondering whether I am being practical. We can dislike an act but we shouldn't  dislike the person. How is this possible?

I can give several examples for this. What do we do when we don't know who did the thing that hurt us. Let's say someone has thrown some garbage in front of your gate? What will you do? You will get it removed quickly, won't you? But if you see someone dropping the garbage at your doorstep, you will first vent your anger on that person before thinking of getting rid of the garbage, won't you? I am not suggesting that you should allow a miscreant to get away with the mischief. I am only pointing out that you can focus only on the act, if you choose to. (In this case, you had no other option, of course!)

So, please remember that it's in your powers to not dislike a person causing you a problem. even when you are confronting the person, you should only point out how his action has affected you rather than launching a personal attack on that person.

Let me point out a situation to you. There is a person who keeps making mistakes but you still love that person. Do you know who this person is? It is YOU! If you keep making mistakes but still love you, you can also refrain from disliking a person for making mistakes!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Why do we dislike people?

We dislike some people some times and some people all times. Why do we dislike anyone? Because he or she has done something wrong. It may be a mistake or a deliberate wrongdoing. If the person is close to us,  the feeling of dislike will not last long. .If the person is not close to us, the feeling of dislike may last long.

Why does this happen?

This happens because we mistake the person for the action. (So, we also make a mistake in the process!) If an action hurts you, inconveniences you or makes you disgusted, you may be justified in disliking that action. Let's say you are hit by a vehicle when you're walking on the road. You're hurt. You have a reason to dislike what has happened. What you should dislike is the negligence of the person driving the car. But we dislike the person. This is wrong and irrational because you dislike a person based on just one thing he or she does. There may be several other things that the person does that you may like.

So, learn to differentiate between an act and the person. Only actions cause you inconvenience or trouble not persons.

It is difficult to cultivate this attitude but you can keep trying. You will find that after a while, you become more objective in judging events and people.

Monday, November 18, 2013

Be only the Best

Do you want to be the best at all places and in all situations? Who doesn't? But how many of us know how to be the best? Without knowing what we should do to become the best, we often lament 'I tried my best' when we find that being the best turns out to be a mirage every time.

But being the best doesn't have to be difficult. It may appear that to become the best, you have to compete with others. Competition is a game that anyone can play and you can't expect to be the winner always. There is a better way to be the best. It is a way less traveled and you will not have many people competing with you. Many times, you may be the only person traversing this path!

Do you know the story of Maverick. People in a village decided to brand their cattle with their initials or other identity tags. Everyone was breaking his head as to how to make his cattle distinct and stand out from the crowd so that they can quickly and easily identify it - everyone except Maverick! When all the branded animals were paraded for display, Maverick's cattle stood out. When everybody's animals were branded, Maverick's were not branded. This made them stand out from others. Maverick became the best by choosing to do nothing when everyone was frantically doing things to showcase their animals with a distinct brand.

By doing things differently, Maverick has also contributed a new word 'maverick' to the English language. As you may know, maverick refers to a person who does things in an unconventional, creative way.

Here are some suggestions for being different and becoming the best.

The first to say sorry is the bravest.
The first to forgive is the strongest.
The first to forget is the happiest.

Sunday, November 17, 2013


I once saw this quote in a training institute.
Teach your tongue to say 'I don't know. Then you will learn.  - Confucious

How profound this statement is!

Wisdom comes from ignorance. we are not born wise, except for the genetic instincts. Whatever we know today is a result of our realizing our ignorance and making an effort to learn. if you start with an attitude, 'I know,' then you will learn nothing. You will live and die an ignoramus. It is only by accepting that we don't know something, we will have a chance to learn.

So is the case with all our deficiencies. Don't worry about your deficiencies. The moment you are aware that you lack something is the starting point in your journey to acquire that. So, not having something is not a drawback but an advantage. The realization that you don't have something is a great motivating force. On the other hand denying the truth and deceiving yourself by cultivating a false sense of possession will ensure that you won't develop.

There is a saying: Wisdom comes from experience and experience results from our foolishness. So, you have to be foolish first before you could become wise!

I am strong because I have been weak.
I am fearless because I have been afraid.
I am wise because I have been foolish.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Either Results or Excuses

In my first post made on my birthday, 16th Sep, 2013, I wrote:

"I am committing myself to post one message of motivation to this blog everyday as long as I live. So, if you don't find my message on a particular day, you are entitled to presume me dead. But I am also entitled to surface after a day or two with an apology and an explanation for the missing posts! But I think it (my missing a post) will not happen. This is a test to me."

But it has happened!

People who have been reading my blog regularly (how presumptuous of me to think that there are people who read my blog posts regularly!) would have noticed my absence for about 2 weeks. Some of them (you) might have presumed that something had happened to me. But I am alive. Alive and kicking and back to my ways!

I can explain why I didn't make any post for about three weeks but I think you may not be interested in it. I will just say that I had no access to the net because of my moving to a new house. but then, this is only an excuse and not a reason. If it demanded that for me to be alive, I should make a post everyday, would I have allowed this problem to deter me? Or, if someone had been paying me for my posts, would I have missed even one post? the answer is obvious.

This makes me understand the meaning of this dictum even more profoundly:

You can have either results or excuses!

So, decide what you are going to have.

P.S. I will be covering the posts for the days I have missed. facilitates antedating and postdating? So after about 2 weeks, you will find that there are no missing dates. But i have the satisfaction of disclosing my lapse and how I am making it up!

Friday, November 15, 2013

If you feel you have lost...

We all face difficult times in our lives. Our plans go astray. We are presented with a fait accompli that we find unacceptable.

There is one thing you can do during these times. You can learn something new from this experience, the learning that's going to help you in future. If you can do this, it means you have progressed, overcoming the setback that was thrust on you.

Don’t feel like you’ve lostWhen plans and dreams fall short of your hopes.Anytime you learn something newAbout Yourself or about Life,You have progressed.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Happiness Quotes

Do you know?
Someone somewhere is happy with less than what you have!

Do you realize?
Happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

Do you agree?
Nothing is worth if you are not happy.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

A Powerful Way To Change Your Life in 24 Hours

You have heard it before, haven't you - people promising you result within 24 hours. Sometimes, it happens that you will get the result in 24 hours alright but you have to count only one minute per day. So, you will get results in 24 x 60 = 1440 days. Sometimes you have to stretch it still further counting only one second per day!

But the change I am promising will come to you tomorrow, exactly 24 hours from the time you start implementing my simple advice. This is not my advice really but an advice that I came across, tried and found useful. Your task is very simple.

For 24 hours, refrain from complaining. Complaining does not mean complaining about others . It is an all encompassing word meaning complaining about anything in life. You should not even complain in your mind like feeling, 'Oh, it is so hot,' 'it is so boring,' 'it is so irritating' etc. If you can do it for one full day from the time you get up in the morning till you get up the next morning from sleep (I am not saying 'till you go to sleep' because, you may wake up in the middle and complain about the mosquitoes, the weather, the discomfort of your bed etc.), then you will find that your life starts changing.

This is guaranteed. You can't complain that this doesn't work!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

What If you don't read this....

'What if...?' can be a powerful approach to creativity. By asking questions on hypothetical situations, the human race has progressed so well.

The question 'what if man can fly as a bird does?' led to the invention of the aeroplane.

By raising hypothetical possibilities, we can transform our lives.

'What if I can earn an additional $5000 per month' is a question that will stimulate your thinking by taking you to the next question 'how?' However, the 'how' should be a probing question, not a skeptical tag.

Keep generating 'what if...' questions everyday on various aspects of your life. Start with simple things. For example, ask, 'what if I can get up at 5 am?' If you are used to getting up only at 7 am, this question opens up the possibility of giving you two more hours everyday. If you can find some productive ways of using these two additional hours, you can see a transformation in your life.

I myself got u early today and used the extra hours generated to write this post.

Once you see success by applying the 'what if..' tag to simple things, you can extend your probe into more exciting and more challenging tasks.

What if this approach is going to bring you the level of success you had never dreamed possible?

Monday, November 11, 2013

Do you feel a relationship is imperfect?

The human tendency is to ail for perfection in everything. When it comes to relationships, people are particularly concerned that it should be perfect. But in reality, relationships are not perfect. They are fraught with problems. Disturbances and turbulence occur more frequently than we expect. Often they occur for no reason at all. We sometimes wonder whether we should live in an imperfect relationship.

Unfortunately, perfect relationship doesn't exist. Imperfection arises from the fact that no two human beings are alike. Yet we can have a strong relationship in spite of imperfections. Imperfections may arise from differences in perceptions, priorities, views etc. Instead of looking at these imperfections as threats to a harmonious relationship, we should understand them as natural differences that normally occur in any healthy relationship. We should focus on resolving the differences through a process of dialogue that will require some adjustments from either side.

The best relationship is not the one that brings together perfect people, but when each individual learns to live with the imperfections of others and can admire the other person's good qualities

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Why we should not look into the faults of other people?

The easiest thing anyone can do is to find fault with others. Do you know why? We are so familiar with them, having been associated with such faults sometime or other. If you think I am wrong, just have this checked. When you learn any skill, you commit quite a few mistakes while learning. Later when someone else is committing the same mistakes, you can recognize them. You can't recognize a mistake unless you are exposed to it first.

Sometimes we also learn about mistakes by seeing others committing them. But the mistakes we have committed are more readily recognized.

Even after you have become perfect in a skill or activity, you may commit mistakes. It is not uncommon for a person with a long experience in driving a car to commit a mistake that only a novice can be expected to commit.

Faults include mistakes in doing things as well as defects in one's personality, perception, understanding etc. If we realize that we have several faults, we will not waste our energy in looking into the faults of others.

"I look only to the good qualities of men. Not being faultless myself, I won't presume to probe into the faults of others."    - Mahatma Gandhi

If this is what Mahatma Gandhi, a person with very few faults says, people like me handicapped with multiple faults should be much more wary of looking into the faults of others.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

You have a Choice

A man has fallen into a river. He is drowning and crying for help. You extend your hand standing at a safe place in the river. You can use your strength and pull him back to safety. But what if he pulls you into the river? It will be a tragedy, of course.

But such a tragedy happens in our lives quite often. Someone is upset. He loses his temper and vents his anger on you. He is in deep waters and you are on a safe place. Logically, you should pull him to the zone of safety in which you are standing. But what do you do? You step into his zone of danger by losing your temper and hitting back at him.

When we are in confrontation with others, we do not  take the time to reflect whether it is necessary. Aping other person'e behavior is not a powerful way of dealing with that person. It's weak response since you surrender your independent thinking and choose to adopt the other person's way. Confrontation may sometimes be unavoidable and may even be necessary. But there are times when other courses of action are available to us. Please remember that we have the freedom of choice. Don't surrender this freedom by choosing to respond to others in their own way.

Don't let people pull you into their STORM, pull them into your PEACE."

Friday, November 8, 2013

Are you concerned about your looks?

Many people are concerned about their looks. Perhaps this is an understatement! Almost everyone wants to look handsome.

If you are born with what is generally considered a beautiful appearance, you should be happy. But will you be? Probably not. You are likely to focus on improving your appearance still better. I have good looks alright. But I should be the best looking too!

If you feel that you are not good looking, you will naturally make efforts to make you look better.

So either way, people are spending a lot of time, money, energy and other resources in trying to look better. In most of the cases, they end up frustrated because what thy aim for turns out to be a mirage because they don't even have a clear idea about how their looks should be!

You are beautiful. Don't worry about what other
people say because the two most important people 
recognize your beauty. You and God. So love yourself 
for the way you are because that is the way you are
supposed to be. Stop spending so much time on your 
outward beauty, that's not the part that counts in the end.
Focus on your inner beauty. That's what makes one truly beautiful. 

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Do you get the love you need?

You are loved
when you are born.
You will be loved
when you die.
In between
You have to manage...!

Introspect and find out how well you have been managing!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Are You Human?

May be you feel outraged by this question. "Of course I am. What a stupid question?"
 you may retort. 
Pray read this question carefully. I didn't ask you "Are you a human being?" I asked you "Are you human?"

There is a lot of difference
being a 'human being'
and being 'human.'
Very few people understand the difference.

I hope you are one. If you are still not clear of the differences just think of the people you know and ponder how many of them you will consider human.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Know who loves you

The One who loves you
will never leave you
even if there are
100 reasons to give up
he will find
one reason to hold on

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Food as Medicine

Eat your food
as your medicines.
you have to
eat medicines
as your food

There is a concept in the southernmost part of India, Tamilnadu 
"uNavE marundhu. marundhE uNavu."
This translates into English as "Food is medicine and medicine is food."

What the cryptic message conveys is that if you pay attention to what you eat keeping your health in mind, you will eat only what is good for your body. The food you choose  to eat will ensure that you don't get health problems and you can obviate the need for taking medicine to cure some malady.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Educating children

Don't educate your children
to be rich.
Educate them
to be Happy.
So when they grow up
they will know
the value of things
not the price

Friday, November 1, 2013

The Key to Overcoming the Fear of Failure

In the last post, we discussed how failure creates a system of repeating itself by using the fear of failure and making it stronger for every successive attempt. Obviously, fear works because we allow it to enter our mind and then occupy the whole mind. How do we prevent this?

Just by shifting your focus. When you fail once and make a second attempt, your mind will dwell on the past. Make it focus on the future. Deliberately think of the results your success will bring you. Visualize all the great things that you will experience once you succeed in what you are attempting to do.

This may not be easy but is definitely practicable. There is no way you can push the fear out. All you can do is to infuse your mind with pleasant feelings about the results success will bring. he fear of failure will keep coming but keep ignoring it and force yourself to dwell on the positive thoughts. After some time, you will find this method working. Fear will lose its vigor and enthusiasm will have its presence. By practicing this kind of thinking repeatedly, you can free yourself from the effects of fear created by past failures.

It is like switching on a fan to drive out the foul smell from a stuffed room. The result will come. It may take some time but you will find this working very well.