One of the problems many of us face in life is the difficulty of connecting with others. This problem can arise in a wide range of relationships from parents-children relationships to supplier-customer relationships.When we find that a gulf is separating us from the other person we want to reach out to can be very frustrating, especially in a close relationship.
Parents find it difficult to connect with children as children, with parents. Spouses are unable to connect with each other in spite of being so closely together. Other relationships like the ones between a boss and subordinate, a salesperson and a prospect etc have this in-built challenge.
I came across a quotation from Blair Warren, considered to be one of the masters of persuasion. He says:
“People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions and help them throw rocks at their enemies.”
I think Warren has given a workable solution to the problem of getting connected. Encouraging one's dreams and allaying one's fears are, no doubt, positively desirable things to do.
But you may look askance to the other two ideas - justifying other's failures and confirming their suspicions. Well, these two actions do not appear desirable. But we can easily see how some people do these to win over others. People with ulterior motives will have no qualms about resorting to these.
But people like and you who want relationships to be supportive and mutually empowering should understand these actions to mean showing empathy or sympathy. Justifying someone's failures should be by way of understanding their problems and sympathizing with them rather than blaming them for their failures. If we dismiss people's suspicions using rational arguments, they may not be convinced. We should show an inclination to agree with their suspicions but should gradually and subtly change their perceptions, since harboring suspicions will not do them any good.
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